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Naboo was not her favorite planet. Even that was an understatement.
It was too bright. The colors. Even the city was obnoxious.
But these fields...

Even with the little device in her ear shut off, she still couldn't stand the sight of it. For her Masters sake, of course, she would always pretend that the flowers 'looked' lovely, and that the grass smelled nice. But in reality, she would always prefer something a little less distracting.
Maybe she was just always unsatisfied. Nothing could ever seem to satisfy her. Not even herself.

As she walked along, she let her feet guide her until she could sense him. Just ahead, by a glassy waterfall.
She lowered her face, cracked her knuckles and let her feet bring her to him.
"I received your message," she said, her voice flat, "What will we work on first?"

'The joy of life'? Inwardly she groaned. She would just never understand. No matter how much she studied the subject, it just never seemed to click.
She could solve any arithmetic problem set in front of her in minutes. Fix any problem with science. Invent new ways to improve herself.
And yet, none of her studies could ever explain this to her.
Of course, she could 'feel' life. She had spent her youth using that 'feeling' to 'see', but it wasn't quite the same thing.
Logically, it made no sense to have such love for life. A truly intelligent man would realize that it's for the best if the strong survive and the weak die off. It was, after all, for the betterment of their race. Her training, however, conflicted entirely with the cold logic that she had acquired through her studies.
 She was supposed to feel compassion for all life. She was supposed to care more. But that very thinking kept bringing her back to her original thought. Wouldn't it be better for the weak to die so the strong can have a better quality of life?
But then-
It was hopeless. No matter what she read, no matter how she tried to solve this difficult equation, she always found herself going in circles.
Her only option was to throw cold logic out the window and trust her teacher. He was a wise man, after all. His knowledge was more valuable than all the information in the archives.
"Very well," she said dropping to her knees, "I will do as you ask."
She closed her eyes, and worked to silence her busy mind.
But, like a quiet pond in the middle of a forest, there was always something stirring just under the surface. Her thoughts were whisper's in the back of her conscious. They swam back and forth like little fish, too deep under water to see. Invisible, but alive none the less.
Alive...
Everything- it suddenly hit her. She hadn't noticed. The grass under her, the creatures in the sky above, the insects in the ground below, even the microscopic organisms in the lake...
It was all alive.

The butterfly felt like a tiny ball of energy. Small, but electrifying.
She was already "watching" it before Alek even mentioned it. Something about it startled her. It was so delicate, but it's tiny tissue-thin wigs were so powerful...
How had a creature like this come to be?
She could hardly hear a word he was saying, nor did she notice the blind fold. She was so deep in her own little world. Through the darkness, she could feel everything. She could see everything.

The insects in the ground were as clear to her as the butterfly fluttering in front of her nose.
Slowly, so very slowly that most would not even notice her moving, she reached up towards the butterfly. Her palm was held out.
Those wings... she wanted them. If she could not capture them without injuring them, then she would make it come to her.
She was asking- no, demanding that the butterfly come to her. She was inviting it to come and rest on her open palm. It didn't have much of a mind to manipulate, but it had basic instinct. That was enough.

The little creature followed her 'suggestion'. It wanted to rest on her hand.
She allowed the tiny creature to explore her palm, tickle her fingers, and when at last it crawled to the center of her palm, she quick as lightning clasped her other hand gently over top.
The tiny creature sprung to life against her hands, struggling for freedom and she would give it just that- but not yet. As she felt the tiny strokes against her palm, her unconscious mind was already working.
A million ideas all at once, but she was unaware of all of them.

The girl snapped out of her trance-like state. The butterfly tickled her palm, and for one whole moment she had almost forgotten all about it.
Slowly, she opened her palm and the tiny life fluttered away. She didn't watch it. She couldn't watch it. It was far too tiny for her poor eyes to pick up.
Her eyes lowered to her empty palm as she listened.
He was right and wrong at the same time. She had learned something, yes. She was always learning.

But the butterfly had been just what she had thought it was.
Just an insect. A holometabolous insect. Four stages in it's life cycle. No real mind there. Just a 'pretty' thing with wings, and she couldn't even appreciate that.
Perhaps she was missing the point. Yes.
She would have to think on this later.
"What will I learn next, Master?"

'Read' his emotions. That's what he had said. 'Read'. As if it were a book to be opened and closed at will.
It was almost as bad as someone claiming that they could 'read' someones mind. Absolute rubbish. The mind was too complex a machine for that.
And if a persons thoughts were complicated, than emotions were more so.
It also made her uncomfortable. She wasn't sure she wanted to know.
Yet she would try it. It could be an incredibly useful skill if she could learn it. There was much she could do with it. It would be so much easier to get her way...
She folded her hands neatly in her lap and closed her eyes.
Once more she tried to block her nagging thoughts in order to concentrate on the task at hand.
Everything suddenly became clear. Absolutely clear. She could 'see' everything, but somehow it wasn't like before.
Impossible to explain.
What was she 'seeing'? She wasn't thinking anymore. Not really.
She was searching. Not sure what but she knew she would know when she found it.

Lost. She was lost now. What was she looking for again? How did she get back? Where was she even?
It was as if she were lost in a deep forest with no end. Every time she almost reached her goal she was dragged backwards. It was endless.
Why was this so hard for her?
Because she didn't even understand her own emotions. She didn't want to understand her own emotions. That's what she kept telling herself.
But she did want to understand other people. She wanted to study them. She wanted to know.
That was what she also kept telling herself.

"Look deeper..."
A whisper in the back of her mind. Her own voice? No. Her own thoughts? Absolutely not.
But it was like a trail of bread crumbs. It lead her. Pulled her gently ahead.
Then she found it. The cabin in the woods, shining like a beacon.
She reached it. grasped it. It was her's.

Her eyes snapped open.
"I know. I found it," she said in a voice no more than a whisper, "I confuse you, I think.  I succeed at every task you set me to, yet I disappoint you at the same time."
His emotions were complicated. She could feel them, but she could not identify them. What was a word for this? She would have to do some research. Perhaps study psychology?
No. That was the problem. She was always thinking too much.
Why? She didn't understand. She was eccentric. Strange.
She could remember anything just by reading it once. Recite entire essays off the top of her head. Figure out advanced equations in minutes.
Yet she could not figure out herself. Her own persona was a complete mystery to her.
"Don't give up on me, Master," she said after a long pause, "I will learn. I always learn. It just may take some time."

The girl stared ahead at nothing as she listened.
He was right, of course. She was talented. That was never in question to her. Maybe her talents were thought of as... "less" useful to most Jedi, but she still had skills that most men had never even dreamed about.
It wasn't even her being conceited. It was just another fact to her. Of course, for all her talent, she had even more flaws.
It was something she was trying to 'fix'. She was always trying to 'fix' herself.

He was even more correct when he spoke about the reason he had taught her the technique.
Something was wrong in her. Something was just a little bit... off. There were times in her life where she could honestly recall feeling happy but when she tried to remember how to be happy...
No. When she tried to feel anything, her memory went blank.

She blinked in response to his question. Trust? She had never considered it before. Was she even capable of trust?
Well... she didn't distrust him, like she distrusted most other sentient beings. Maybe that was trust?
Maybe.
"You have given me no reason not to trust you, Master."
It wasn't an answer. It was a fact.

Certain words held very little personal meaning to the young apprentice. Particularly the word 'bond'.
Of course, she had learned about Force Bond, but she had never really thought much of it.
She had never felt a 'bond' to anything. Not her Mother. Not her Father.
Nothing as far as she could recall. It had always seemed like such a waste. To become attached...
Did they not try to teach them to let go of such things? The entire Jedi code was starting to seem more and more like a contradiction. There was a time when she could recite it and explain it's meaning without any sort of confusion. But the more she learned, the harder she had to try to untangle it's deeper meaning.

'Friend.'
The girl blinked in surprise. She had never thought anything of the word. She had never quite understood the meaning. What was a friend, really?
Of course, she knew the definition, but everybody seemed to use it differently.
And she? She had never even used the word in her life. She had done a great deal to distance herself. She had no friends before. And she rather preferred it. Less distraction.
And she never felt lonely... at least, so she had thought. Thinking back, she began to realize that before she began her apprenticeship maybe she was lonely. At least a little bit.
Maybe not to the extent of a normal girl, but there were times when sitting alone studying was not quite enough. Where she had honestly wished for something else. Maybe someone to discuss her latest studies with. Someone to debate with.

A slow, reluctant, and somewhat awkward smile crept onto her lips. Her muscles felt like they were creaking with the effort, but at the same time it felt natural.
Maybe calling someone a 'friend' was not such a childish, foolish thing after all.
Slowly, she dipped her head into a short nod.

The girl felt cold metal in her hand. She strained her eyes to see but could only make out a blurry gold squiggle.
A bracelet? She struggled to attach it around her wrist, but she couldn't see the clasp. She could be so clumsy when it came to this sort of thing.
She ran her fingers over it with her other hand. Played with it absently.
It was like one of those silly friendship bracelets children would make for each other. She never understood it. Still didn't understand.
But she would trust him. Why shouldn't she?
It felt childish. Sentimental. She felt as though she should feel touched. Maybe she was.

She felt the chain, searching for the end. She found it, wrapped it around her wrist and silently struggled to clasp it.
Her clumsy fingers slipped on the thin metal again and again, until at last it hooked through to tiny ring securing it to place.
She placed her other hand over her wrist, her fingers closed tightly around the bracelet.
The force. She could feel it flowing through her like a wild river.
Her eyes fluttered closed.